By Ashley Henry
I’ll stop for a moment,
As I let God in,
Soak in the presence, the spirit and the life
My soul needs to feel brave.
Please allow me the time to be completely honest,
Although I know of God’s promises at times even I feel impoverished,
Not only in my mind but in spirit as if I had not been saved.
Society mutes me as I scream words of internal fear
Because like them I look but do not see and I listen but do not hear.
I find myself mostly determined to do what’s right when everything is unclear.
I fill my life with activities because they tell me I need to be in a constant hurry
Leaving me unable to beat the clock with my lateness and always has me in a state of constant worry.
Then demons tie me through compulsion and tears bind me through dash dreams.
But to sleep at night I tell myself it isn’t as bad as it seems.
Find more things to do, make a plan, set your aims high to be a total success
Become an image of perfection and be your very best.
With these ideas come the challenges that surround me and
I become my own worst enemy.
Unable to obtain perfection and driven by misguided direction,
I curse myself for having insurmountable limitations
And I’m backed into a corner of darkness, self-loathing and cheap imitations.
But God being God comes bright as the noonday sun on Easter day,
In those moments I am once again the lost sheep,
Trusting God to provide me with what I truly need.
I find myself on my knees crying, more like begging for forgiveness
For the times I turned my back on the gospel and gave into my greed
To control, to lead, to gain earthly possessions and have a love that always pleases me.
Suddenly I die like a mustard seed and through loving nourishment
I face the demons that feed off my fear with graceful encouragement.
I pick up my bible and try again, deciding not to use my own Judgment to fill the void I could not escape.
I shut off the noise and ask God to fill his temple with a new and loyal spirit that only he can make.
I turn my eyes away from sinners enjoying their fleeting pleasures
And I set my heart on God’s holy treasures.
I close off all media that seek to lie and deceive and
I ask my friends and my family for support as I put my confidence in all that I believe.
I’ll trust God and have faith, and I will not kill hope when I have lost more than I have gained.
I speak life, joy, heal the maimed, the broken with words of my choosing because God’s
Words are like power in my hands no matter how battered or stained.
When Jesus said love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind,
He gave me the only advice I’ll ever need when I can’t answer everything is fine and people choose to be
God said these things will remain: hope, faith and love. I’ll take these words because like him they give me life.
I trust him because he has defeated the world and so too will I as long as he remains in my heart and I believe he is the living and risen Christ.